I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
