Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
