omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
birth control should be required to get into college
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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