I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
