She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
