He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
