Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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