I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
