Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
