so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
whose ass print is on the piano?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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