and you said cock pushups were impossible
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
