dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
