the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
