You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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