My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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