His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
