even my farts smell like vagina
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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