I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
