yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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