It was confusing and full of hummus
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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