if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
