Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
