i will never coherently bang her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
