I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
