I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have fence marks all over my body
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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