he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize