Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
