Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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