she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
