God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
