and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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