His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize