I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
