wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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