I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
