Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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