i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
