I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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