she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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