i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
