I'd wear matching sweaters with you
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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