quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
