dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
