you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
