East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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