I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i have two assholes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
