guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
