wanna go halves on a baby?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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