Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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