I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize