i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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