It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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