I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
