How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
