We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize