please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
