I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
