if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
