so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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