It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize