He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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