I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
