i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
