break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
