I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize