he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
