did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
