I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
