actually, I'm a sock model
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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