You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
