Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just googled if crying burns calories
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
