it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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