i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
