Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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