I can text with my tongue
it was like eating out sand paper
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
