Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
