I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
