why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
