thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
