I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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