and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
