this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
