You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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